Yet this time around, what my soul really craved was Rob Zombie and Rammstein.  I’m definitely back.  So I’ve switched some things back to my original internet screen name, IronWynch.

IronWynch is a role play character whose name was poking a bit of fun at the so-called women’s empowerment trend of spelling woman or women like “womyn”.  I spelled wench like “wynch”.  At some point I made brief appearances as characters called “Whyre” “Bytch” and “Skynk” as jokes.

The IronWynch character was one of the first of the ITC mythos I allowed to peek out into public internet life.  Her original body was abducted by aliens doing experiments on humans to attempt to culture flesh “wrappers” for robots.  So she basically had synthetic innards and skeleton stuffed inside a human skin, but the skin was a complete organism in and of itself.

The name suited my personality, so I wore it around until I got deeper into Lovecraft fandom and went through the nice me phase that led me to be okay with being viewed as some kind of kitten.  Then Kthulah became my “evil kitty” name since so many others had been overused.

Now, I’ll be using IronWynch more often.

I don’t really feel numb…just…unsurprised and merciless.  He did all that blah blah, and then asked me how I feel about it.  I told him that was no longer his business.  So he gets all huffy and tells me to have a nice life.  Whatever.  What…I’m supposed to slash my wrists or something?

I still care about him as a person, but because of that, I will do nothing to ease whatever agony he claims to be going through over his decision (which I doubt).  Nor will I try to make him feel better about it.  He has failed me.  My natural reaction to someone failing me is to not trust them with whatever it was they broke.  I don’t care if it was on purpose or an accident.  If I give someone my heart and they mishandle it, they don’t get it again unless they prove they can handle it…and thusfar, nobody has done that yet.

I guess I’m not worth it to them.  I can accept that.  I don’t fit their “grocery list”.  I’m used to this by now.   Though I haven’t been dumped alot in my life until I started dating in Israel, in a mere four years, I’ve gotten it streamlined.  I’m a quick study, and one thing I have learned well is that if there is nothing else to save, save my dignity.

Whatever else they may think is lacking in me, none of them can say that they broke me…or really even harmed a hair on the ass of my Lycan soul.

Christmas was nice.  We had a small dinner party with the family, Kahuna, Gadget, Izzy, and Shaniqua.  We ate, drank, and danced to Brazillian music.

New Years sucked.  Kahuna was being a right wanker the whole night, and in the end, Shai accidentally elbowed him in the nose.  It was an accident, but well, sometimes the universe brings you exactly what you need, no matter what anyone intends.

Some more juicy tidbits of information…Slick has confessed that his wife was not a normal Thai lady.  He married a bargirl.

…

So it all makes sense now.  Poor guy.  Yet another victim of the “empowered” Israeli woman, driven to the arms of cute little death by clubbing.

See, he’s a kind of brooding Lecter-like Speek (that is a geek, often of Latin descent, who can twist your head off with his hands) who for me is just right like baby bear’s porridge.  For a woman who’s not so intelligent or well, female with a respect for manhood though, he is a very scary person.  Four years ago, he was dating a woman who he was utterly in love with, but she was a stealth harpy.  Eventually she ended up breaking his heart and accusing him of stalking her.

So that’s how that happened.  He went to Thailand, picked one, married her, and brought her back.  The rest is history.

…but part of me wonders if…nevermind.  I won’t type it out.  If it is so, then he is indeed as sick as me.  Ah well, it’s all in the past.  Interesting to think about, but not something I should dwell on too much.  The bones have bleached, and now it’s time to bury them for good.

The lesson in it though is that guys here can get really screwed up and do some crazy stuff to deal with it.  Makes me much more amazed by my friends, and Shai and Papa’s inner strength.  Every time I see an apparently happy couple, they’re getting the sweetest smile I can muster.  I know they had some awesome luck or went through a slice of hell to get to that point here.

So when it comes to blogs on game and relationships, Relationships @Blog-city > Roissy in D.C.

What the latter is good for though, is helping women who honestly don’t want to get involved with assholes, or not repeat an asshole experience, to avoid doing so. You’ll get a good view into their minds from Roissy and some of his commenters. Thing is though, some of the commenters are clearly not assholes, and the contrast is fairly startling when you see guys with game all around and guys (like the blogger himself) who have shallow game, right there next to each other, albeit in text.

Assholes are good for telling it like it is in some ways. The only problem is that they represent the most extreme side of the spectrum, which one should be aware of, but shouldn’t mistake for being representative of all men.

Now I have a dilema. My readers depend on me to have enough integrity to show all sides when I can, but at the same time, I don’t want to reward someone who hates me personally, with linkage. So maybe I need to find another representative of the dark side, now that I’m sure I’m not in danger of misjudging anyone.

The Kiss of Life (and Death)

It doesn’t matter if you smoke five packs of cheap cigs a day, and just had a whole head of fresh garlic.  If a guy is really into you, he wants to inhale your face.

Guys who don’t kiss you, or don’t kiss you like it’s their last kiss on the first kiss, are holding something back.  Sometimes there’s nothing there to hold back.  They just don’t have the feelings in them.

The Foreplay

One of the first things a guy who has those primal monkey panic/i-could-love-this-woman/oh-god-i-think-i’m-falling feelings for you wants to do when he actually has the opportunity to touch you, is get your body as close to his as possible, and keep it there.  Sometimes this crazy desire to press your bodies together can even prevent sex from happening.  Their bonding hormones are reacting to your presence and the smell of your bonding hormones.

Sometimes a guy with the potential to love you, or one who is actually aware that they already love you will get “stuck” like someone on PCP.  They think they’re moving, but they’re not moving, or they’re spending alot of time going back and forth between clutching you close to them, and wallowing in your breasts.  Between the breasts or at the neck are areas where many guys get stuck because they’re hot spots so your smell is coming off your chest and your hair and neck.  Also, these are physically handy places for their heads to be while their instincts are commanding them to try to absorb you like a scary tentacled monster.  They’re also convenient for the next behavior…

They just wanna stare at you.  A man who can love you wants to memorize every pore on your skin, every freckle, the angle of your nose, the ridges of your irises…everything about you.  He wants a good mental image to take with him when he goes.  Also, if a man truly thinks that you are beautiful, the reward centers of his brain are sending nice little happy hormones into his brain and body.

So really, even before the kiss, if he’s not looking at you alot, something is missing.

The Shagging

For sure, if a guy is shagging you as if he wishes he could do it from across the room, it’s justification to stop in the middle and tell him to finish off manually.  Then get him out of there.  If you can’t then not sleeping next to him ought to give him the message.

Whatever pretending he might have been doing up to that point, during the sex is when a person’s demons come out on their face and in their hands.  If he doesn’t really want to be touching you, he’s not going to remember to put his arms around you.  He’s not going to stop from time to time during the doggy style to try to absorb you and just feel you for a moment.

The Clitoris

A guy who knows where the clitoris is, and loves you, will make sure that you are taken care of unless you beg him not to.  He wants to make you feel what he’s feeling, and wants you there with him, not just servicing him.

It’s not rocket science.  Rub and pinch gently until you’re told it’s enough.  Even Skull could manage this with ease, so anyone supposedly more intelligent has no excuse at all.

Even in the event of one of those aggressive quickies, guys who are really into you will likely go from touching your face, to your breasts, to the clitty.  It’s just automatically a part of their expression once they figure out the mechanics.

Any more questions?

Well, if you do have more questions, alot of good information can be found on the website How to Tell if a Guy is a Jerk.  Some very good stuff there.

If a guy outside of a discussion about “nice guy syndrome” says that he’s a “nice guy”, then he is warning you that he is a conformist.  Unless you want to end up converted to something, or left behind for the next Stepford clone to give him a little attention, back away slowly.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT have sex with him until he has a tattoo of your name on his cock, or some similar token of commitment, unless you either never want to see him again, or want to become his “break glass in case of emergency” girl.

This type are also most likely to string you along indefinitely without defining anything, and pull the male version of the GPP rapo, and accuse you of getting irrationally attached.

(For those who don’t know, Games People Play is an old book, but a good one, about human interaction that every woman who doesn’t look like a model should read.  Games Your Mother Never Taught You is also a good one about corporate politics, getting ahead and such.)

Guys who say it to negotiate their way back into your pants are just softening you up, even if they truly believe it.  Sheeple believe that nice guys seduce “slutty” girls, and that they actually want to be exploited.  They define slutty as anyone who has sex before marriage.  They want commitment, just not with you.

They want to become the wallet on an incubator for someone socially convenient to gain their mother/society/whoever’s approval.  A wife, to them, should be no more than a status object.  Sexually, after he’s married, he’ll still be seeing women like you (or me) on the side because his wife will lose interest in him as anything but a source of income and a sperm donor.

…and he wants it that way.

Don’t be like the Gay guy who always falls for straight guys.  Leave the sheeple in the pasture where they belong.

1.  When you feel it, say, “I love you.”  That”s when you start feeling it.  Not before and not after.

By the time you say it, it should already be obvious.  This lets a potential partner know that you”re starting to feel real attachment, and that you”re aware of it and not fighting against it.  He can”t be held accountable for what he doesn”t explicitly know, and this lays your cards on the table.  It also lets him know that time is ticking for him to lay his cards down.

If he breaks it off, then you can at least move on still respecting him.

If he doesn”t give you any kind of reciprocation, within a reasonable time frame, strings you along, or pulls a disappearing act, you know what you”re dealing with: a punk.  Move on, and don”t bother with what he might be feeling.  The feelings of someone that weak are irrelevent.

2.  Act at least a little jealous, even if you”re not actually jealous-jealous, but just concerned.

Controlled jealousy is a sign of protective, nurturing feelings, even for polyamorous people.  Also, mild posessiveness is a sort of display of dominance over other females.  If you don”t show some concern when he”s eyeing other women, he”ll think you”re weak or desperate.

The amount of crazy factor you should display in the face of competition depends mostly on the culture he”s from.  If he”s used to alot of drama, he may not actually like women to get stabby, but he will still appreciate some sulking and whining.

3.  Make his mission your second priority.  Your mission after all, should be your first…and perhaps someday your children.  It”s a tough balance, but the way my mom explained it to me is that she loves my dad the most, but she prioritized us kids first as far as survival needs until we were self supporting.

Encourage your man to succeed.  In fact, kinda push him to do so.  Don”t complain when he is legitimately busy (and not just acting busy to make himself seem more artificially appealing).  Besides, you should be busy with your own life and work.

If you”re colleagues or in similar fields, help him when you can, just short of giving away your own trade secrets.  If he has not yet committed to you, hold back any crucial information or assistance that could put him in a superior position, but feel free with anything that will give him a boost to being just at your spiked heels.

If/when he is your committed partner for some length of time, become the lioness at his gates and the muse of his inventive spirit.  If he works outside and you work at home, be the pit crew to his inner race car driver.  Being with you should have rewards, and leaving you should remove those rewards.

Don”t feel guilty about this.  His new girlfriend should be just as much of an asset as you were, right?  If not, then oh well.

4.  Let the man be the man, and determine the “rules” and direction of the relationship.

That”s a hard one for women nowadays.  My grandmother (a working, strong woman) explained it thusly:  It takes nothing away from a woman to let the man be the man of the relationship.  Nature makes things so.  A woman can be convinced to do certain things even if she”s not that enthusiastic about them, for practical reasons…but if a man isn”t interested, nothing at all is going to happen.

So, if the man really wants it, he”ll do what it takes to get it and keep it.  If he doesn”t then it”s better to let him go his way.  So if he”s proposing something that seems like a bad deal to you, just don”t take it.  Walk away…but let him be the one who says what”s going on before stepping over him to run the show yourself.

Many women complain that their man is not present in the relationship.  Well, that”s because he”s just the sperm donor, and the woman is trying to be both the woman and the man all on her own.  If he has to be the man, then he can”t be anywhere but there or not there…not half here and half there.

5.  Beware the Golden Ratio and other attention budgeting schemes.

Working people with lives barely have time to give each other adequate attention.  Don”t worry about time/attention budgeting.  Just be there for each other when you can.  If neither of you is terribly insecure or obsessive, you can”t go wrong.

BUT

If one or the other of you is terribly insecure or obsessive, things can go very wrong.  As a rule, calling someone once a day is okay.  Some like a little more, and some a little less, but once a day is sane…usually at least 2 hours after someone comes home from work.  More about after-work things later.

6.  Don”t guess.  Know or don”t know.

If you”re not sure what a guy is feeling, it”s because he doesn”t want to tell you or show you.  Discrepancies in words and behavior are big red lights.  A strong man may not be much of a talker, but he will be a doer.  If someone is neither a talker nor a doer, then he”s just a sitter, and this should make him irrelevent in your dating/shagging activities.

Never put yourself on hold for any reason but your own honor.  If you feel like you need to put other guys on the backburner while you work out your issues with one, then do so…but don”t assume that he feels the same until he is showing you that he does.

It”s fine if a guy lets you know that you”re not going to walk over him, but if he has such powerful fear that he”s afraid to even show that he cares, you”ve got a wuss on your hands.  Eventually, you will come to pity and resent him.

7.  Always keep a few in the kitty.

Don”t have “that talk” where you tell all your biznatches that their services will not be necessary anymore until you are wearing a diamond ring and/or he”s buying you a new bed to replace the one he broke, and cares whether or not it”s long enough for him.

Keep at least two of your favorites on call until the first baby, in case of extreme arguments when you need to get the heck out of there and are too mad to drive, or find yourself by yourself because he didn”t control himself around his ex or something, and she”s pregnant.  You want to make sure you have a strong shoulder to cry on until he becomes your shoulder in a real way.

8.  Accept sincere apologies, not excuses.

If a man says he”s sorry, he”s had to fight alot of machismo to do so…but be mindful that the apology should not be preceeded or followed by excuses for bad behavior.  Real men suck it up and take responsibility for their wrongdoings, and handle the consequences like adults.

9.  Let a guy connect with you emotionally if he wants to.

Being too guarded takes way too much effort that is better spent on actually working on the relationship, not worrying about getting hurt.  Sure, none of us likes rejection or being used, but if that”s a guy”s intention, it”s going to happen regardless of whether or not you were guarded.

If someone wants to hurt you, they ought to have the knowledge that they actually hurt or harmed someone.  They shouldn”t be able to justify their actions by your being able to take it.  So what if you can take it?  Don”t act like you didn”t feel it.

This means if he turns out to be a dog, you can let him have it, call him every name in the book, and all he can do is…take it.  If you did everything I said before, told him how you feel, and let him be the man, and he screws it up, then it”s all on him.  You did what you were supposed to do, and he didn”t do what he was supposed to do.

Being freely emotional also allows you to recover more quickly, and let one of your therapeutic biznatches make it all better.

10.  Make it really really hard for him to ignore your beauty.

Every guy has a type that they like…a certain something about a woman that just makes them like a soldier (at attention).  Whip him with that thang like a bad English schoolboy.

Unfortunately that means you can”t really relax around a man…not ever…well, maybe when you”re in labor with his child, but that”s still a maybe.

Do not let him hear or see you do any body function other than eating politely with your mouth closed, if it is at all possible, unless it”s his fetish, and even then make him earn it.  If you are severely but not terminally ill, he can help take care of you, but don”t allow him to be privy to to much of the dirty business of that.

Terminal illness is another story, that pretty much makes most of this crap useless and irrelevent anyway…but normal every day nastiness should be hidden from your man forever.  Even when you are long cohabiting, he should never see a tampon out of the box.

11.  Be a princess.

Love yourself.  Even if it”s in a kind of understated, sometimes but rarely self deprecating tomboy style, always let that inner princess shine through.  If you didn”t have a dad who thought you were just God”s gift to humanity, let me know and you can borrow Shai.  He still calls his 24 year old son and anybody else he gets sentimental about, pet names.

You want a prince of a man?  Be a princess of a woman.  Leaders want women who raise leaders.  People who are always criticizing themselves and down on themselves tend to raise the same.

12. Play up your own strengths, and combat your own weaknesses.

Don”t envy other people”s strengths while ignoring your own weaknesses.

Using one common example, that means that unless you”re a model, push away from the scale, and pick up some books.  Drink alot of water, eat actual food, walk, and generally go out and so stuff that may require sweating, and that will take care of your weight.  The thing you need to have is confidence, perspective, and a kingdom…something that you do that is bigger than you.

Also, do something where you can be all woman.  Whatever that is…belly dancing, salsa, ceramic painting, whatever…something super duper girly that some guy can watch you doing and say DAYUM!

If you”ve already got being well read, having perspective, and doing something good for humanity on lock, and you still have a weight “problem”, then it”s in your mind more than it is in your hips.

13.  Err on the side of too repressed rather than too slutty.

I like sex.  There”s no problem with liking sex.  The thing is that there”s a time and a place for everything.  If a guy is too quick in pursuit, it means he has a short term goal in mind when it comes to you.

There”s no problem with a guy liking sex either.  As a matter of fact, it”s a good think if a guy wants to shag you.  The thing is, he should never expect to.

Yeah, this was a hard one for me.  I”m a free spirit, and like to go with the flow, and am especially fond of men who are very aggressive and can take alot of aggression themselves.  I like ”em feisty.  Unfortunately, men have mostly not caught up with even us assertive women on the emotional end of hot sweaty knocking of the boots.  They”re still scared that just because it might have been easy for them (the first time), that it”s easy for everybody, and/or that it”ll continue to be easy for them in the future, so they don”t have to put any effort into the relationship.

What I realized is that when you let your inner savage jump his bones, that is in a way taking away his role as a man.  Afterwards, unless he is just so macho that even after you shred his back to mince, he still sees you as a fragile little kitten, he doesn”t really know what to do…especially if you went prostate massage on him.

You might think you”re just being free and letting your wild woman out, but he”s panicked and just sees a waving spear soaked with KY jelly, and can”t tell if there”s a wild woman or a girly man behind it.  So…even in this day and age, unless you”re standing in front of the Ubermensch, you gotta blush and say, “Oh stop,” and bat your eyelashes.

Damnit.

Save “!!!!!!!!!!!Aye PAPI!!!!!!!” for after he”s named your future kids or you”ve at least got a pet together.

…unless all you want from him is sex, or that”s the most you guess you”re going to get.  If you”re just in need of the smell of testosterone, then just nail him to the wall and be done with it.  Maybe you”ll get lucky, but you probably won”t.  I got lucky once.  If you go the sex route though, keep it with the attitude of, “Yeah, that”s right!  Take it bitch!” or a kind but firm, “Yes baby…I know you like that, mm-hmmmm…”

14.  Fuck him GOOD!

When the time and place for sex comes, and whether or not you are all in lurve with him or whatever, don”t forget to fuck the SHIT out of that motherfucker.

Do your damned Kegel exercises.  Make a special sex playlist, make it hot with some Jodeci and Aaron Hall, and Janet Jackson, and SWV, and oh, some Omarion.  Train your vagina to pulse to the rhythm.  Syncopate that shit for some variety.  Have a selection of condoms for optimal sensation.  Get some butt plugs or prostate stimulators and lubricant.  Get some of those vibrating balls you can put in your ass to make your coochie vibrate.

Smell like professional shampoo, good soap, and older ladies he wanted to shag when he was 14-18. For guys in their 30”s now that was Giorgio, Coco, or Opium.

Have some ropes and handcuffs standing by just in case he”s a real freak.

Throw it on him in a way that no other woman on earth will ever throw it on him again until he”s got enough game to catch one of those freaky 55 year old celebrity employed Yoga instructors who”s rich and bored.

Tap that boy like the American flag is coming down for the day.

Oh…and talk to the dawng.  Tell it what you”re gonna do to it…and tell it where you want it to be.  Make him want to fuck you like you are in possession of the last pussy he will ever have.

Do that *every time* forever unless it”s one of those impulsive quickies you have because he”s thinking about what you did to him the last time.

15.  Let him be your stabilizer.

We women are mostly used to being kind of hormonal sometimes.  Guys like it when you allow them to steady you.  It makes them feel needed because really, they are.  They are people with higher testosterone than us, who react differently to stress than we generally do because different things are happening in their bodies and usually their minds when it comes on.

Take it under advisement when he tells you to calm down, and then responds decisively to help.  Sometimes we don”t want help, but just to vent, but let him help anyway.  It”s what good guys who are actually interested, do.

16.  Never be afraid to lose him.

This isn”t about being careless.  It”s about being free and allowing him to be free.  Just don”t be a trap because of your insecurity.  Men like to have choices, and they may or may not choose you…but for sure they won”t if you start trying to block their way.

Let him choose you, and if he doesn”t then let him lose you.  You owe nothing to a man who doesn”t want you but your absence.

…and when you go, don”t look back.

If he follows, then if you still want him, keep going anyway, and dare him to try to keep up with you.  If he can”t then at least you haven”t lost your dignity by slowing down and dumbing down for someone who either doesn”t want to be with you, or perhaps is beneath you in courage.

Nurse whatever wounds you need to nurse away from his presence.  If he”s pulled a disappearing act, allow yourself one final goodbye, and then close the door.  That”ll allow you to do whatever cursing or whatever announcement of the ice princess that you need to do.

Some recommend just disappearing in kind.  That can work too, but it”s not as satisfying, in my opinion, than actually telling a guy you”re gone, and being gone.  You”re showing him that you”re a girl and yet you”re punking him by being more consistent, more decisive, and more stable than he is.

…and that”s about it.