I’m not a low carb faddist or a paleo diet faddist.  I’m a person who was hypothyroid, and part of my recovery was reverting back to an older style of cooking and eating.  If an oil took more than pressing or simple rendering to extract, I stopped eating it.  I still eat bread, but usually whole grain or very low to no gluten flatbreads like cornbread and rice cakes.  Basically, I’m “moderate carb”.

Well, last night, because it had been a very long time, and they were there, I had a few chips fried in canola oil.  Big, big mistake.  After just about a year of grandma and great grandma’s style of home cooking, the chips caused a gastric nightmare that I would not ever like to repeat.  I have a friend on Xenical who described something like this, but I don’t take Xenical.  I think my body just hates certain kinds of vegetable oils now.

This is probably why low carb people who also give up most vegetable oils keep the weight off.  Once you go back to a more natural diet for awhile, there is no going back.

Now, thinking back, a “modern” diet always gave me problems.  I just didn’t know the problem was my diet.  I was doing what my nutritionist and previous doctors told me, but still had trouble losing weight, and was told I had IBS.  Now I understand very clearly that I don’t have IBS.  I just had, I don’t know what to call it…fake food syndrome.

So I don’t know whether people should go low carb, medium, or high.  It probably varies from person to person.  What I can say though is to trust your healthy ancestors, and your own body.  In every way that I’ve gone back to how my grandparents and great grandparents ate, my body has rewarded me for it.  There will be no more splurges of fake food for me.  The next “chips” I eat will be baked potato wedges with a little schmaltz.

If I was a bit paranoid, I would guess that this is happening because they no longer perceive me as desperate (even though I never was) and therfore not worth keeping around as a potential sperm dump.  It’s not so much the weight loss as what the weight loss means.

In my case, it truly just means my metabolism has picked up, and all the years of self discipline are showing their natural result.  I suppose what it means to mainstream types though, since they’re convinced that being fat only comes from gross levels of overeating, is that I’m moving farther out of their league, so I have to be punished for that…taken down a notch since I’m starting to look like someone who would normally reject them.

The ones who put themselves in the “break glass in case of emergency” category right away, I’m not so worried about.  It was clear from the beginning that they viewed my being fat made me more attractive to them only because they each think they’re the only guy in the world who ever thought of shagging or dating someone “ugly” so they’d be treated as more valuable.  What’s throwing me off here is the ones who should have known me better than that: the ones who’ve been in my house, seen at least a little of what I did to keep my agility, endurance, strength, and sanity during the fat years.  They, of all people, should have understood that I was not just giving lipservice to, “What you see isn’t really me.  When or if I recover, I’m going to look very different.”

Now that it’s actually happening, apparently some guys can’t handle it.  It’s so bizarre because the guys who are not handling it well are the very ones I figured would welcome the change, as it should make me less embarassing to be seen with.  Life is weird.

So it’s a good thing that I’m losing weight naturally, and for the sake of my health, and not for other people’s sake.  During the fat years I wasn’t exercising for them, or watching what I ate for them, or keeping on top of my skin care regime for them, or drinking enough water for them, or any other part of my self care regime for them.

It seems you find out who really cares for you when you have problems, but you really find out who cares for you when you succeed.

At some point in a writer’s life though, one has to step back and consider what all this means to me personally…what it means for my real life, and what it means for the characters I write about.  How has this new insight changed me?  Has it really changed me?  Should it?

Though I don’t think of myself as particularly old or damaged, nor do those who’ve managed to get to know me, in PUA community terms, I’m basically something like a -2 on a scale of 1-10.  Being fat (over a size 4) is a mortal sin that overrides any other good traits one may have.  Being over 35, one may as well start collecting cats.

So according to them, any guy who would touch me has to be absolutely desperate, and the reason that I’m back on the market is because nobody in the world could possibly be that desperate.  I’ve been called every negative label there is for a woman by guys who consider themselves rational people, yet they launch into streams of epithets at any sign of confidence from me or any other women with the gaul to not slash her wrists because some guys don’t want to shag her.

The consistency of this type of behavior hasn’t shaken my confidence, but it does make me a bit more cautious in my dealings with males.  I didn’t need much help with that since, having a good dad, I was never protected from the truth about humans.  It basically reinforces my upbringing, which is to never take anyone for granted, and don’t listen too much to what people say about themselves.  Watch what they do.

So the shock treatment has served me well in regaining my pre-Oprah hard core attitude.  I don’t expect to be treated as well as a slim young blonde, but I demand to be.  If I find that a guy is a little too laid back, then I don’t take him seriously.  He doesn’t take me seriously, and thinks he’s doing me a favor by talking to me.

It has also strengthened my resolve about being alone.  I believe that I’m better prepared to spend the rest of my life without a romantic partner if I need to.  I don’t want anyone to feel as if they are settling for me, and I’m past the point of my life of feeling a need to make exceptions in order to reproduce.  I’ve already bred, and if I hadn’t, I still have many cousins already…lots of people who share the important genes with me, passing them into the next generation.

It’s very…freeing.  I do keep in mind that there are some exceptional individuals out there who treasure their own uniqueness, and would treasure mine as much.  It would be nice to find one who was compatible with me, but I realize this is a long shot.  So my energy is better spend on things like nurturing relationships that aren’t dependent on my looks or the maximum 10 years left of my fertility…that and having a good time before I’m too old for some things.

Because of what I’ve learned though, that fun will not include sampling men.  I know some women my age who turn into cougars.  That’s just not me.  I much prefer the “adept spinster” image…the older woman guys may want to shag, but rather say to themselves that if I were younger, they’d want to marry someone like me.

It’s not just for my own protection, but as a good thing I can do for my world.  Young women need positive role models, and since not every girl is going to be married for life, they should see how someone behaves as a single older woman who knows how to have fun, but has some dignity.

So when it comes to blogs on game and relationships, Relationships @Blog-city > Roissy in D.C.

What the latter is good for though, is helping women who honestly don’t want to get involved with assholes, or not repeat an asshole experience, to avoid doing so. You’ll get a good view into their minds from Roissy and some of his commenters. Thing is though, some of the commenters are clearly not assholes, and the contrast is fairly startling when you see guys with game all around and guys (like the blogger himself) who have shallow game, right there next to each other, albeit in text.

Assholes are good for telling it like it is in some ways. The only problem is that they represent the most extreme side of the spectrum, which one should be aware of, but shouldn’t mistake for being representative of all men.

Now I have a dilema. My readers depend on me to have enough integrity to show all sides when I can, but at the same time, I don’t want to reward someone who hates me personally, with linkage. So maybe I need to find another representative of the dark side, now that I’m sure I’m not in danger of misjudging anyone.

Back when bodybuilders and other active people were told in the 90′s not to store our water bottles in warm and/or sunny places, and to not nuke our fish and vegetables except in certain kinds of plastic or glass, we knew something was up. Multiple Learning and Discovery Channels’ specials later, we were already afraid to feed our babies from plastic bottles. For some of us, running and walking outside, and using public gyms meant we were still inhaling and rolling in goodness knows what, but back then we were mostly doing what we could.

For people like me who were sensitive to pesticides and hormonal birth control, not a whole lot could be done after the fact of exposure but to try to have a better future. So that’s what I did. It may be important to me as an activist, but as a human being trying to survive in this world, it didn’t and doesn’t matter to me whether or not thyroid damage or a psychological pattern caused the rapid weight gain. Remaining in charge of my health was what stopped it and rolled most of it back.

Being very aware of my body I had a ‘gutt feeling’ what had made me sick. So once I figured out what was wrong, I set about trying to find ways to minimize and if I could, reverse the damage.

Even though pesticides and nasty toxic chemicals are everywhere and in almost everything, this really isn’t something totally new. We’ve had bacteria, viruses, and all kinds of bugs, not to mention very natural toxins all around us since the beginning. So the idea is basically to choose the lesser of the evils.

If you can afford to, eat organic foods, and choose the milder options for anything else in your lifestyle. Use vinegar, not chlorine, to kill mold and other fungus in your home. Save the bleach specifically for bacteria. You might even want to alternate them every week or two.

Try to go with the least amount of processing. When you can, make as much as you can for yourself. Barter things you know how to make with others who know how to make things.

It’s harder in an urban environment where most households are dual income, but do what you can. See this site for ideas.

Then get out more. Seriously. When the weather permits, go out and do stuff. A little sun (not too much) will do you some good. So will some fresh air.

Boost your immune system the good old fashioned way, by getting hurt sometimes. Back before there were antibiotics, many tribes tattooed and scarified themselves, or did very painful rites of passage, that basically culled the weak, and shocked the immune system into overdrive. You don’t have to make yourself look like a crocodile, but a bit of skinned knee won’t kill you or your kids. Do some stuff that will bruise you and skin you a bit. Get bitten by some mosquitoes and the occasional spider. We have the technology now that you shouldn’t lose a foot from stubbing your toe, but that few minutes between the injury and the alcohol will tell your body that life isn’t supposed to be lived in a sterile bubble.

Use that efficient metabolism to your advantage. Since your hormones and organs are triggering you to be big anyway, why not be big in a healthy way? Why not have some killer abs under that conveniently soft pillow hanging on your torso? Guess what though? The stronger and more muscle you have, the better your body will burn and distribute fat. You might be less big in time, or figure out that being big isn’t so bad when you can lift your sofa. Your downstairs neighbors will thank you for it while you’re sweeping.

Have pets. Having animals around means that you will most certainly deal with plenty of dirt and parasites, and that your kids’ bodies will most likely learn the difference between lemon juice and strichnine. You’ll also get alot of love and hugs and have creatures who depend on you to be healthy and happy even when they’re no longer babies. Love and laughter helps you heal faster and feel better. Dogs definitely make you have to get out more.

These are just a few of the ways you can learn to adapt and survive in this screwed up, polluted world. It’s working well for me, and I hope it does for you too.

Children exposed to pesticide in womb twice as likely to be
overweight, refuting idea of sole personal responsibility. Geoffrey
Lean reports

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Pollution can make children fat, startling new research shows. A
groundbreaking Spanish study indicates that exposure to a range of
common chemicals before birth sets up a baby to grow up stout, thus
helping to drive the worldwide obesity epidemic.

The results of the study, just published – the first to link chemical
contamination in the womb with one of the developing world’s greatest
and fastest-growing health crises – carry huge potential implications
for public policy around the globe. They undermine recent strictures
from the Conservative leader, David Cameron, that blame solely the
obese for their own condition.

A quarter of all British adults and a fifth of children are obese –
four times as many as 30 years ago. And so are at least 300 million
people worldwide. The main explanation is that they are consuming
more calories than they burn. But there is growing evidence that diet
and lack of exercise, though critical, cannot alone explain the rapid
growth of the epidemic.

It has long been known that genetics give people different
metabolisms, making some gain weight more easily than others. But the
new study by scientists at Barcelona’s Municipal Institute of Medical
Research suggests that pollution may similarly predispose people to
get fat.

The research, published in the current issue of the journal Acta
Paediatrica, measured levels of hexachlorobenzene (HCB), a pesticide,
in the umbilical cords of 403 children born on the Spanish island of
Menorca, from before birth. It found that those with the highest
levels were twice as likely to be obese when they reached the age of
six and a half.

HCB, which was mainly used to treat seeds, has been banned
internationally since the children were born, but its persistence
ensures that it remains in the environment and gets into food.

The importance of the study is not so much in identifying one
chemical, as in showing what is likely to be happening as a result of
contact with many of them. Its authors call for exposures to similar
pesticides to be “minimised”.

Experiments have shown that many chemicals fed to pregnant animals
cause their offspring to grow up obese. These include organotins,
long employed in antifouling paints on ships and now widely found in
fish; bisphenol A (BPA), used in baby bottles and to line cans of
food, among countless other applications; and phthalates, found in
cosmetics, shampoos, plastics to wrap food, and in a host of other
everyday products.

These pollutants – dubbed “obesogens” as a result of these findings –
are so ubiquitous that almost everyone now has them in their bodies.
Ninety-five per cent of Americans excrete BPA in their urine; 90 per
cent of babies have been found to be exposed to phthalates in the
womb; and every umbilical cord analysed in the new Spanish study was
found to contain organchlorine pesticides such as HCB.

Two American studies have implicated phthalates in obesity in adult
men, but the new research is much more conclusive, and is the first
to show the effects of exposure in the womb, where humans are most
vulnerable.

Dr Pete Myers, one of the world’s leading experts on obesogens, told
The Independent on Sunday last night: “This is very important. It is
the first good study of the effects on the foetus. Its conclusions
are not surprising, given what we know from the animal experiments,
but it firmly links such chemicals to the biggest challenge facing
public health today.”

No one knows how HCB causes obesity. The Spanish scientists speculate
that it may have made the mothers diabetic, which would increase the
chances of their children becoming obese (see graphic, above).

Dr Myers, who is chief scientist at the US-based Environmental Health
Sciences, which helps to increase public understanding of emerging
scientific links, says this is “plausible”, but adds that the animal
experiments point elsewhere. These have shown that obesogens “switch
genes on and off” in the womb, causing stem cells to be turned into
fat cells. The children then grow up with a much greater disposition
to store and accumulate fat.

Whatever the explanation, the research goes some way to undermining
David Cameron’s assertion in a speech this summer that obesity is
purely a matter of “personal responsibility”, a view echoed by his
health spokesman, Andrew Lansley 10 days ago. The Tory leader said
that the obese are “people who eat too much and take too little
exercise”.

Dr Myers calls that “wishful ideological thinking which does not
accord with biological reality”, adding: “We need to discover ways to
reduce exposures to these chemicals so that changing diet and
lifestyle has a chance to work.”

Factors that may pile on the pounds

Why is the world getting so fat? Everyone agrees that people gain
weight by taking in more calories in their food than they burn off
through everyday activities and exercise. But many scientists are
coming to believe that changes in diet and exercise do not
sufficiently explain the rapid growth of the epidemic. As ‘The
Independent on Sunday’ reported last week, there has been no
reduction in physical activity in Britain since 1980, while obesity
rates have quadrupled.

The genetic make-up of a population does not change rapidly enough to
provide an explanation. So the hunt is on for other factors that
might show why more people are gaining weight more easily.

Life before birth. Both overweight and underweight babies are more
likely to grow up fat. So are those born to smokers. Evidence
suggests pollution is also predisposing the unborn to obesity. The
introduction and increase in the use of such chemicals coincides with
the epidemic taking off.

Age of mothers. The chances of becoming obese increase with maternal
age. And the average age of first giving birth has gone up by 2.6
years in Britain since 1970.

Less sleep. Both children and adults are more likely to get fat if
they get too little sleep, partly because they become hungrier.
Average daily sleep has fallen from nine to seven hours over recent
decades.

Temperature. People burn up more calories when they are cold. Central
heating has ensured that they spend most of their time in comfortable
temperatures.

Prescription drugs. Some drugs – including anti-psychotics,
antidepressants and treatments for diabetes – cause people to gain
weight.

Stopping smoking. Though mothers who smoke may make their children
fat, they – and all smokers – are themselves less likely to put on
weight. As the habit has decreased, obesity has soared.

To have your say on this or any other issue visit
www.independent.co.uk/IoSblogs

Some people expect good self esteem to come out of nowhere…like you can just start chanting, “I’m okay, you’re okay!” and everything will magically right itself.  I don’t believe in that.

The most real cures for self contempt, I found surprisingly in the works of Nietzsche.  First of all, be your own person.  Then you can decide if you like that person or not.  Then if there’s something you don’t like, you can change it with your eyes open.  Short version: be you and then do you.

If you’re always listening to what other people have to say is wrong with you, then of course you’re going to feel bad about yourself.  Most of the world wants average and mediocre, and so anybody who is different or non “ideal” is treated badly.  Paying too much attention to people who are like crabs in a bucket, always dragging themselves and others down is not good.

If you find it difficult to shut out the external negativity, try looking into exactly why these other people’s opinions matter to you so much.  Some people have a kind of a fear of being arrogant, which makes them take on a kind of false humility that becomes a self deprecating habit.  They drag themselves down like an internal babysitter with a big paddle is watching to make sure they don’t step out of line.

Visualize this, and see how silly it is.  You can look all around you and see that you’re not immortal, and that if you do bad things to people, it’s going to come back to you.  You don’t need the internal bad-nanny to keep you in line.  Reality does that just fine.

So admit to yourself the good things about you.  Then you can learn to take a compliment, and give credible compliments the same value as credible criticism.  In fact, getting rid of the negative self talk will make you more able to figure out what’s a real comment, and what’s just someone talking out of their bum.

It’s not easy at first, since having a social life and family means that we do have to take other people’s feelings into account…but remember that your feelings are important too.  Nobody should be stomping on your ego to improve their own.  This doesn’t help you, and even if they think it does, it doesn’t help them.

Remember, like I said before, reality is the best regulator.  If others are out of touch with reality, it doesn’t mean you have to be as well.

Frankly, only someone who had at least a little survival instinct in them, would be asking how to love themselves more.  Start with that…you are a strong person waiting to happen.  If you feed your inner tiger good food, it will grow healthy and stronger.  If you feed it junk, it will weaken and die.

Other practical things that will improve your confidence:

Watch less television.  In fact, stop watching anything that isn’t genuinely funny or at least very entertaining to you.

Until you understand that fashion is just art, and that people aren’t supposed to actually look like models, stop watching fashion or celebrity shows, or looking at fashion or popular magazines.  When you understand that it’s an art, and that you don’t need to conform to that any more than you need to have a replica of every Michaelangelo sculpture in your livingroom to have a nice place, then you can start looking at them again.

…and it may sound overly Oprah, but keep a gratitude journal.  Every day come up with 10 things you’re thankful for, and write them down.  This will remind you of what’s really important in your life.  They could be complicated things like the way someone you like brushes their hair, or simple things like the taste of chocolate.

Another thing that helps you love yourself is sensual pleasures.  I don’t necessarily mean sexual ones.  I mean surrounding yourself with things that make you happy…getting a good hug from someone you know is a good hugger…a really good massage sometimes.  Treat yourself like someone you love.

While you’re doing all this, you’ll also be rethinking your worldview, which shifts your thoughts about honor and integrity and justice to things that are realistic and useful for you.  Be a good person, and you’ll be a more confident person because you’ll be being someone you like to be around.

Doing things for other people is a big help.  It helps you to focus on the big picture, and not get too wrapped up in the petty things.  Do some volunteer work either officially or unofficially.  Make sandwiches and give them to homeless people.  Give out free hugs.  Do something.

Along the way, also do things to better yourself and your situation.  Whenever I have a bad breakup, I like to create something…make something.  It gives somewhere for those negative feelings to go other than locking them inside.

I know this was long but improving self confidence isn’t as simple as just thinking you’re cool.  It’s being your cool, your way.