As I’ve mentioned before, one good thing that has come out of my exploration of the PUA community over the last few years is that it’s a good window into the minds of assholes and wannabe assholes. Some sites attract a better grade of guys than others. Good or bad, I’ve learned alot that has helped me to relate better to my male counseling clients.
At some point in a writer’s life though, one has to step back and consider what all this means to me personally…what it means for my real life, and what it means for the characters I write about. How has this new insight changed me? Has it really changed me? Should it?
Though I don’t think of myself as particularly old or damaged, nor do those who’ve managed to get to know me, in PUA community terms, I’m basically something like a -2 on a scale of 1-10. Being fat (over a size 4) is a mortal sin that overrides any other good traits one may have. Being over 35, one may as well start collecting cats.
So according to them, any guy who would touch me has to be absolutely desperate, and the reason that I’m back on the market is because nobody in the world could possibly be that desperate. I’ve been called every negative label there is for a woman by guys who consider themselves rational people, yet they launch into streams of epithets at any sign of confidence from me or any other women with the gaul to not slash her wrists because some guys don’t want to shag her.
The consistency of this type of behavior hasn’t shaken my confidence, but it does make me a bit more cautious in my dealings with males. I didn’t need much help with that since, having a good dad, I was never protected from the truth about humans. It basically reinforces my upbringing, which is to never take anyone for granted, and don’t listen too much to what people say about themselves. Watch what they do.
So the shock treatment has served me well in regaining my pre-Oprah hard core attitude. I don’t expect to be treated as well as a slim young blonde, but I demand to be. If I find that a guy is a little too laid back, then I don’t take him seriously. He doesn’t take me seriously, and thinks he’s doing me a favor by talking to me.
It has also strengthened my resolve about being alone. I believe that I’m better prepared to spend the rest of my life without a romantic partner if I need to. I don’t want anyone to feel as if they are settling for me, and I’m past the point of my life of feeling a need to make exceptions in order to reproduce. I’ve already bred, and if I hadn’t, I still have many cousins already…lots of people who share the important genes with me, passing them into the next generation.
It’s very…freeing. I do keep in mind that there are some exceptional individuals out there who treasure their own uniqueness, and would treasure mine as much. It would be nice to find one who was compatible with me, but I realize this is a long shot. So my energy is better spend on things like nurturing relationships that aren’t dependent on my looks or the maximum 10 years left of my fertility…that and having a good time before I’m too old for some things.
Because of what I’ve learned though, that fun will not include sampling men. I know some women my age who turn into cougars. That’s just not me. I much prefer the “adept spinster” image…the older woman guys may want to shag, but rather say to themselves that if I were younger, they’d want to marry someone like me.
It’s not just for my own protection, but as a good thing I can do for my world. Young women need positive role models, and since not every girl is going to be married for life, they should see how someone behaves as a single older woman who knows how to have fun, but has some dignity.
Recently:
- The Countdown Begins
- More Truth Roissy Can’t Handle
- No Going Back
- Do Cyborgs Dream of Electric Meat?
- The 80′s Return
- Reasons Not to Screw Up
- The Edge of the Cliff
- Former Fatty Syndrome
- Damaged Goods vs. Classic
- First Audience and Student
